SO. FUCKING. HARD.

It's not like I thought quitting smoking was going to be easy - I'm not a moron.  But I had absolutely NO IDEA just how hard it would be.  I'm on day 2 and I feel like a crazy emotional mess.  I can't use the patch, I can't chew the gum, so I'm left with the old-fashioned way.  Cold turkey.  And after smoking a pack a day for almost 17 years, that is not going to work.

So I called my doctor and am waiting for him to get back to me.  One thing is for sure - I am quitting smoking.  I'm even more determined now than I was before, due to the fact that I hate losing.  I refuse to allow this to get the better of me.  My method has to change, but the end goal is still the same.