RESULTS

So I'm still going to the gym with regularity.  I still enjoy it, too.  I also thought that some of my pants seemed a little loose, but I chalked that up to the fact that they were old and stretched out, and wishful thinking.  Logically, it seemed way too early for me to see any results.  And then...

I pulled out a pair of jeans that I haven't worn since I bought them over a year ago because they were suffocatingly tight.  But I had to do laundry, so I figured I could suffer until my wash was done.  Much to my surprise, THEY FIT!!!  Comfortably!!

I love you,  New York Sports Club.

BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY

So I mentioned a while back that anxiety attacks have made a surprise appearance in my life.  Unfortunately they are not going away, at least not yet.  I do have hope that this is just a weird bump in the mental road, but until then I have to find ways to deal with it.

One of these ways is medication.  I know a lot of people get all weird about taking pills, preferring to try and get through it with sheer willpower.  I am not one of those people.  If I can't control it myself (and seeing as they have only gotten worse over the past 6 months, obviously I can't) I see absolutely no problem and feel absolutely no shame about going to the doctor and getting shit taken care of.  Sure, it's a drag having to take pills every day.  But you know what?  I feel better and really that's all that I care about.  Feeling as if you've lost control of your mind is scary, and if a pill or two a day can fix that?  Sign me up.

The other way I've decide to try and make myself feel better is by joining a gym.  Considering that money is one of my main anxieties, this endeavor was made possible by my mom, who is the best mom in the world (everyone says that, but I assure you in this case it's true.)  I've always thought that exercise was beneficial not only physically but also mentally, and now I can honestly say from experience that it is indeed.  The most surprising part of all this?  I absolutely LOVE going.  I never thought in a million years that I would.  I was at work the other day and at around two o'clock I found myself thinking, "I can't wait to get to the gym."  Weird, right?

Now of course this could just be because it's something new, and I also get to buy new sneakers and yoga pants and sweats and stuff.  Anyone who knows me would tell you that anything that gives me an excuse to buy new things without feeling guilty is something I'm gonna be into, but I'm hoping that's not the case.  I'll have to get back to you on that.

PUMPKIN ROLLS

When Sunday arrived, I had no tickets to any football games so I decided to pretend to be my great-grandmother and bake.  From scratch.  Now I've done plenty of baking in the past, but I've always been afraid of any kind of dough.  The rising and proofing is something I was always sure I'd screw up; it's too temperamental.  But this recipe was just too good to pass up.  So I went to the store and got everything I needed, held my breath, and gave it a shot.

I let the yeast dissolve, mixed it all up in the Kitchen-Aid and prayed to God it would double in size as it sat for 3 hours (as the recipe told me it would.)

            Ta-da!  There it is, my pumpkin dough.  Doubled in size!!

                                  

Next step was fairly easy.  I had to smear butter and brown sugar and toasted pecans all over it.  No problem.  Then came rolling it up.  Keep in mind that I had rolled it out to about twice the width that you see above.  I also did this with the dough room temperature, which made it a little tricky, but I pulled it off.

                       After proofing and ready for the oven.

Now all I had to do was wait 20-25 minutes.  I made the brown sugar glaze for the top while time ticked away.  My apartment smelled amazing.  I just had to hope that they looked and tasted as good as they smelled....

                                  Fresh from the oven.                                                          

                            With brown sugar glaze and extra toasted pecans.

The result??  THESE ARE SO FREAKING GOOD.  You have to make them.  The recipe yields a lot of buns (I had 18) so either freeze them or bring them to work for extra brownie points (that's what I did!)

BIG BLUE

Remember how I mentioned how my bosses are sometimes awesome?  Well, they have done it again.  This time by giving me tickets and a parking pass to last Sunday's Giants game.

The seats were great (26th row!) and it just so happened that my friend's birthday had been that week, so it was nice to be able to take him and my brother-in-law along for the fun.  

We got there pretty early because we had some friends who have a Giants RV (painted blue and everything) and they always get there at 8 in the morning because they are INSANE.  Usually I'm not a fan of the whole tailgating thing, but I really enjoyed myself this time.  I got to hang out with a lot of old friends who I hadn't seen in a while.  

Unlike the Devils game, this time the home team won!!  By the skin of their teeth, but I guess a win's a win.

HUNGOVER OWLS

When I stumble across something this amazing, I feel the need to share.

http://tumblr.com/xdqjvfqt5

GAME ONE

So last night was the NJ Devils season opener at The Rock in Newark, NJ.  Because my bosses have season tickets and have been known to be awesome, I got to go!

I only live a few miles from Newark and we got a parking pass along with our free (!) tickets so we opted to drive.  This turned out to be a bad idea due to the Holland Tunnel traffic that had clogged up Route 280, but we still got there with plenty of hockey left to be played.

The seats were great and the game was close the whole time.  The third period ended in a 3-3 tie, so we went to 4-on-4 overtime hockey.  Unfortunately, the Devils defense was not up to the task and they gave up a game-winning goal to the Stars pretty quickly.  Not the ending I (or the Devils, I imagine) was looking for, but we still had a great time.

Also, if you haven't been to The Prudential Center in Newark, you really must get there.  It's a beautiful arena and there's also lots of great places to eat before or after the game in Newark.  I know it gets a bad rep, but there have been a lot of changes in downtown Newark over the years and you should definitely check it out. 

WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!

Sick pug transitioned into sick human this week.  My crappy doctor (soon to be ex-doctor) tells me I have a viral infection, whatever that means.  Basically I have to take DayQuil and NyQuil and steam my sinuses and pray that I feel better.  Snuggling with the pug has been my treatment of choice.  Well, that and the couchnest (copyright Older Sister).  I also gave the pug a bath because she STUNK.  

But what I've really been doing all day is eating Mallomars.  Lots of them.  

I bought the box yesterday and they're almost gone.  Gluttony!!  I love them so much that while I was lying in bed last night trying to sleep, I started to think what an awesome thing the "Mallomartini" would be.  Has anyone ever made one?  What would I need to make it taste like the world's most delicious cookie?  What kind of booze would work for the marshmallow flavor?  I even decided that I would dust the rim of the glass with graham cracker crumbs.  Presentation, people!!

Sort of related Mallomar story:

 As you know (or maybe not, if you're not a junkie like me) they are only available for a limited time each year and some grocery stores only let you buy them in limited quantities.  Well my friend was telling me that her mother loves them.  Loves them so much that she goes to her local grocery store, buys the allowed amount, brings them to her car, and then returns to the store and buys the allowed amount again from a different cashier.  She sometimes takes as many as 3 trips in at a time.  She then freezes her take so she has Mallomars all year long.  This woman is a genius.

SICK PUG

Sadie was having some "evacuation" issues the other day.  I decided to bring some puppy pee to the vet to see what was up.  Turns out the little lady has a urinary tract infection. They called me this morning and told me she had crystals in her bladder (and possibly stones) and that I should bring her in for x-rays.  So I did and luckily, no stones!  But I still have to give her antibiotics twice a day-which is going to be interesting-and change her food. 

 Poor pug.

It was a long and stressful day for Miss Sadie (and me), but thank God it's nothing too serious and everything will be fine.

RAGE

During a quiet moment this morning I decided to check my bank balance.  I knew there wasn't much (seeing as Friday is payday and my balance is usually pretty pathetic by this point.)  What I didn't expect to see was that my account was overdrawn.  Overdrawn because of a charge to Directv.  

I DON'T HAVE DIRECTV.

After a momentary freak-out, I called my bank and explained this to them.  I did not authorize any payments to Directv, I told them.  How does this happen?  Apparently someone got hold of my debit card numbers and the super secret 3-digit code on the back and decided, "Well shit.  My cable bill is due!"

I'm one of those dorks who always checks ATM machines to see if it looks like it has one of those skimmer things you always hear about on the news.  I haven't made an internet purchase in forever.  So all that leaves is that I handed it to a store clerk at some point, and the son of a bitch copied my card info.  So they could pay their cable bill.  

BACK TO THE GRIND

It's been quite a while, but I'm back.  

After my last post about RI dreams, I decided to just do it.  So I put in for the time off and I spent a whole week doing as little as possible in the biggest little state in the union.   It was wonderful and perfect and there was sun every day but one.  The uni-freckle was achieved.

In other awesome news, remember how I said that I had no computer so my blogging would be limited?  Well worry no more, internet.  My sister (who really is just too good to me, and I'm not just saying that because she might read this, I swear) gave me her old laptop!  Now all I need is something interesting to waste your time with...I'll have to get back to you on that.

L'IL RHODY

I can't stop thinking about it.  Every night when I lay down to sleep, I imagine myself on a sunny beach staring at the ocean.

I have gotten to the beach a few times this year, but only for a couple days.  Because I'm greedy, I want to do it again for an extended period of time.  I feel like the summer is slipping away and I haven't gotten that full week of L'il Rhody awesome that I so rely on to keep me sane for the rest of the year.

And of course, I need to work on my uni-freckle*.

*For those of the freckled-ginger persuasion, this refers to getting so much sun that all of your face freckles blend into one giant freckle, giving the illusion of tan.

PANIC!

In April of this year, I had my gall bladder removed.  That's where it all started.  The whole situation was weird in that I never really felt any kind of strong emotion about it.  Outwardly, I was handling it like a champ.  I wasn't freaking out or nervous at all (at least consciously).  And then I decided to take a trip with my sister to Rhode Island...

Now I've taken this same trip countless times since I got my license (17 years ago?? ACK!), but this time was different.  As I cruised along I-95, I suddenly felt light-headed and I couldn't breathe.  I felt like I was going to pass out, so I pulled over.  At this point I'm exactly halfway to my destination, which means I have a 2 hour drive either way.  I met my sister at the halfway point and we had pizza and I cried.  I explained that I thought I was going crazy, and that really, could it have happened at a worse time?

Even then, I knew what this was - a panic attack.  As anyone who has ever had one can attest, you know exactly what's going on as it's happening, but that doesn't make you feel any less like you're going to die.  I kind of figured that this was pre-surgery jitters considering the trip was 2 weeks before the scheduled useless-organ removal.  However, in the back of my mind, I was concerned.  VERY concerned.  You see, my family is full of anxious (and medicated) people.  I had convinced myself that I had somehow made it over the hump, as they say, due to the fact that I was in my thirties and had never had any problems.  So I tried to reassure myself that once the surgery was done, all would return to normal in my world.

And it did!!*  Until a few weeks ago.  I was just sitting at home, watching TV with the dog, when those all too familiar symptoms returned.  And then they returned again the next night.  Since I am not one of those people who is uncomfortable going to a doctor and saying "medicate me, please!!!", I immediately made an appointment the next morning to get this taken care of.  More than anything I was really pissed off.  How dare my body/mind turn on me like this?

So the next morning I went to Dr. ReallylongnamethatIcantpronounce.  She asked if there was anything that I was worried about, and until this moment with her, I really thought there was nothing.  And then it happened....I suddenly realized that I was upset, I was worried.  

Like 80% of the country, I'm constantly worried about money.  I mean crazy worried.  Irrationally worried.  That I can work on though, so on to the next one. 

Small disclaimer about this next part...A lot of you out there will not understand this.  I envy you for that.  The situation is a unique one, and I realize that as hard as it is, I am also very lucky to have grown up this way.  Anyway, here it goes.  Immediately after I was born, my parents brought me home.  Home to the house that my parents still live in, all these years later.  It is the only home I have ever known.  Yes, I have an apartment, and technically that is my home, but you get the idea.  Every single memory I have of growing up involves that house, that yard, that street, that neighborhood.  My father has recently retired and my parents have been fixing up the house for months now so that they can sell it.  

TO STRANGERS.  

MY FUCKING HOUSE.

The idea that I will never drive down that road and pull into that driveway EVER AGAIN has affected me in a way I never would have imagined. The phrase "going home" will never apply to me again.  It'll just be some townhouse my parents happen to live in.

So the way that I've decided to deal with this particular issue is to try and help my mom buy new stuff and to look for fancy townhouses that I wish I could afford and make them buy it.  That and Xanax.

*except for when I drive.  I'm so worried that it'll happen again, that I sometimes make it happen.  What can I say, I'm crazy.

OLD

So I've been feeling old lately.  Now, I know that in the scope of things I'm not old old.  My feet are firmly planted in the 30's.  But I'm not exactly young anymore either.  Maybe it's just because I'm nuts, but I feel like I'm constantly reminded of that fact.

You see, I work with a girl I'll call Marta, who's in her mid-twenties.  And not a day goes by where something she says in casual conversation doesn't make me think, "God she's young."  She's never even seen The Godfather for chrissakes!  Or Jaws!  I really like Marta, and I consider her a friend as well as a co-worker, but damn she makes me feel like a granny.

And then there's the ever present gray hair.  This started a long time ago for me, because I am a ginger.  We are lucky enough to go gray before the rest of the soul-having world.  I am also now one of those crazy bitches who spends way too much money on anti-aging cream and exfoliating wipes or whatever the hell.  I NEVER thought I would be that chick.  Yet here I am.  And the truth of it all??  None of it really matters.  The years (and birthdays) will just keep on coming, and I really need to find some kind of peace with that, or else I'm going to end up being one of those people who ages really ungracefully.  Man I hate those douches. 

HELLO!

Good day, internets!

I have been agonizing over what exactly I should discuss for my first EVER blog post. I came to the conclusion that I should keep it short and sweet.

I have no theme for this here blog, so you should expect anything and everything, from pictures of my pug or Rhode Island to my rather embarrassing affinity for General Hospital. I'll spare you the "details about me" chat because I figure sooner or later, through other blog posts, that'll come out in bits and pieces until you know more about me than you ever wanted to. I promise to try and update often, but that could be hard (did I mention I don't actually own a computer?).